I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
