Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
