My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
