Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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