I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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