Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
