there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
