I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to summon your inner elephant
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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