Acid is not a monday night drug
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Randomize
