She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
