After last night, I could never be a politician.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
