no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
