Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
