Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize