We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
this just has baby written all over it
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
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Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
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I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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