i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
