I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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