just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
