my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize