yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
