Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
