Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
