wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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