i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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