you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
