Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
