Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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