Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
