Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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