i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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