Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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