I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
