don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
