she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
