my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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