i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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