I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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