Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize