Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
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