Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
