I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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