i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
