Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
