Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He kissed a someone with a penis
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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