I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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