OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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