Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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