You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
