I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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