i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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