Swine flu. Run for my life!
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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