So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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