I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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