dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
