I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
