So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
