Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
