FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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