I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
