She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
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Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
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Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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