Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
