The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
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I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
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I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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