We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
